my state of mind

[elydesia]

Forget. Forgotten. Forget.

"How could I possibly forget?"

"Is it really that difficult for you? Just eliminate the past. You only have the present. Can't even believe in the future, can you?"

Silence.

"Look at you, a pathetic lump of flesh. There is nothing you can do while holding onto those memories."

Forget, forget...

A loud crash followed by a soft reverberating in the ground like rolling thunder. A myriad of colors flashed across the sky; cyan, yellow, maroon, a deep blue, velvet green. Bang, bang. Silence.

She laughed at him. "You're terrible," she said and her body shook with laughter. She buckled over and her gatsby hat fell off, her hair falling around her face.

A flash of light like lightning and for that split second she was a skeleton before appearing normal again, her double vested coat buttoned snugly around her small frame.

He blinked profusely and the grip he held on the gun tightened.

"Forget. About everything. Don't you realize--" She disappeared into smoke and the sun moved across the sky, noon to dusk to night to dawn. A thousand times as he stood still.

"Michael?"

He spun behind him and there stood she, the woman who was his weakness. "Valley?"

She repeated, "Michael?" And he reached out to her, but she, too, vanished into smoke. Appearing behind him was the girl with her hat back upon her scalp.

A wide grin crawled its way up her face and gave her a twisted appearance. "You should forget."

Red water showered from the sky, he let out a cry. Time froze and he smiled before time began to reverse itself.

There they sat, Michael and Valley, on a bench watching the lake. The weather was hot but a cool breeze blew from off the lake. She snuggled into him and they both smiled.

"I'm so glad to be here with you," she mumbled in a half daze.

"Me, too," he replied.

A loud bang.

explosion

[elydesia]

"You planning on heading into town?" she asked as she sashayed out the back door and over to the dinning table outside, ashtray in one hand and pot of coffee in the other.

"Later. Tonight," he replied. She placed the ashtray in front of him and sat down across from him as he put out his cig. She refilled his mug and he rested his elbow on the table, chin in the palm of his hand, and sighed. The chicken in his other arm clucked and he dropped her.

"For the fair?" He took the mug and sipped before wincing. He uncrossed his legs and briefly looked behind him at the far off view of the lake.

"Yeah."

At some point long after the sun had set, when the land was black and a foggy haze hovered over the rolling hills, far off in the distance few lights danced into the sky.

He drove along the curving roads and glanced out the window each time the fair came into view, the bright ferris wheel being the object of his attention.

When he arrived, the party had already began on the concourse. Music was blaring and bodies were dancing to the rhythm. The warmth of a summer night was felt all around as alcohol was passed around from buddy to buddy.

And then from the center of the concourse the pyre was lit. It was engulfed almost entirely in a near instant, striking awe in few. The dancing continued. Some took off their shirts, the heat overtaking them.

And then the pyre exploded in a flash of fire and light and smoke and people cheered and laughed and cried out in excitement. Fireworks shot into the sky and smoke loitered around the scene.

On the ferris wheel, Jean watched all this from a perpetually encircling motion. Hearing the music in his mind and feeling the beat in his chest. A smile covered his face and a cigarette hung limply from his lips.

What a fantastic night, he thought, and it went on like this until the sun rose.

---

author's notes
wrote this with some inspiration from booooooom.

wordcount:347

lines

[elydesia]

cardiac arrest
and I see double
with a wistful glance
pushing it down and not going
down burnt going down
through

can't decide desire
floating ball of green
wasting away in a daze
crying in a last attempt at
shitting in a porcelain pot

basics flying out the window
ink running low
scared of running out, the end
nearing a winter lake shore
with swans honking at your business

don't let fear chase the chance
to glance out the window and
welcome in a dangerous method.

trumpets call in a cry
forgetting the once-sided dogs
and the jocks in the mix.

A block so thick
a wall so high
no time to cry
no end in sight

time slowing down
speeding up
feelings coming to a head

events unfolding
a cold feeling
colliding in a mix
doubt, and uncertainty
do not forget the
precious beginning.

can't taste
can't decide
make choices

author's notes--
don't ask.
ok.